Pam Gems is hereby identified as author of this work in accordance with section 77 of the, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted her
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FEELINGS by Pam Gems Copyright © Pam Gems Pam Gems is hereby identified as author of this work in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted her moral rights. All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before rehearsal to Rose Cobbe, United Agents, 12-26 Lexington Street, London W1F 0LE, UK. Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0800. http://unitedagents.co.uk/agents/rose-cobbe/. Assistant: Dan Usztan. Email: dusztan@unitedagents.co.uk Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0873. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained. FEELINGS Cast An aging scientist A young girl FEELINGS SCENE ONE. STUDY. A MAN, not young, is reading in an easy chair by a table laden with books and papers. On the floor, across the room, a YOUNG GIRL, lies on her stomach reading a magazine. She turns a page. He turns a page. She reaches for a biscuit tin. GIRL Rich Tea or Ginger? He holds out a hand without raising his eyes from the page. She swims across the carpet, puts a biscuit in his hand. He eats without looking up. She swivels back, finds her place and resumes reading on her stomach. He reaches for a pen, makes a brief note. GIRL (Calls across, breaking the silence.) Sortable! (French pronunciation.) He lifts his head. She reaches for a dictionary on the floor. GIRL (To herself) Sortable. MAN (Calls) Presentable. She flips the pages, finds the word and nods. MAN Pas sortable means you can’t be seen out with him. She laughs briefly. They work. GIRL (Calls) Essayeur? (Looks in dictionary)... essayeur...essayeuse... MAN Means fitter. As in tailoring. GIRL Don’t think so. She rises, brings him her copy of Paris Match. He looks where she points, reads and laughs. MAN (Looking up at her) Here it means a woman being tried out as a high-class escort. GIRL (Leaning for a look) A whore you mean? MAN That’s what the scandal’s about. He’s been rumbled, there’s the white flag (points at the page) - wife with the fixed smile clamped to his side. GIRL Oh. (As he turns the pages to look at the pictures) Will he lose his job? MAN No, no - whoever shopped him will be moved sideways. GIRL For being a shit? MAN For being bourgeois. Pas sortable. The GIRL laughs, jolts him on the shoulder as he turns a page. GIRL Hold on - turn back. (Takes the magazine from him.) MAN What? GIRL (Points) Agynesse Dehn - English model - (excited) Kate Moss! MAN (Looking) Mmm? GIRL Only the topmost top model in the world. Emblems of the era, that’s what Spike calls them. (He looks puzzled. To herself) Jesus. (Aloud) Spike says if you wanna know about history sus the visuals. MAN Who’s Spike? GIRL Art master. (Turns a page, stabs at a picture.) Tam Johnson, latest male model. There are some cool older guys modelling now, so long as they’re not bald - a shaved head’s OK. (Looks at him speculatively.) MAN And older women? GIRL God no. MAN Why? GIRL Who wants to go to bed with a hag? In France maybe - you’re allowed to have sex over thirty and not get arrested, look at Jeanne Moreau. MAN I’ll ring the travel agent. She smiles at him briefly, bends her head to the magazine turning the pages. GIRL (Without lifting her head) Did you go to the hospital? MAN Yup. GIRL OK? MAN Next appointment six months. GIRL You have to go back? MAN With prostate once you’ve got it what’s relevant is the rate of advance. GIRL What’s yours? MAN Not galloping. She yocks with laughter. He looks up. GIRL Sorry - a galloping prostate - Clint Eastwood...(to herself) oh stop it, he’s only a hundred and one. MAN Good looking man. GIRL Bone structure. (Slight pause.) What if it does decide to gallop? MAN They give you drugs. GIRL Any good? MAN Yup. GIRL What does Ruby say? MAN (Foreign accent) “Priéten, you are lost.” GIRL Priéten? MAN Means friend in Rumanian. GIRL In other words “You’ve had it, mate.” She’s worried about her billet. MAN You think so? GIRL She’s an illegal! MAN (Shakes his head.) I keep telling her - Rumanians are welcome now! As my wife - GIRL She’ll still be anxious. If you fall under a bus she’ll have to find another idiot. (Settles down with her magazine. Calls across) Why did you give her bed and board? I don’t know why you did that. MAN She could have been deported. OK now. GIRL And you’ve lumbered yourself. I don’t know. (She flicks him a look of admiration for his gallantry.) What you should do is demand your marital rights, that’d see her off. MAN Oh, get away. GIRL (Laughs) No - she’d be grateful with that moustache. MAN Very highly prized in Rumania - sign of a fertile woman. GIRL I think they may have got something wrong there. MAN I bearded virgin’ll get a hubbie with no dowry. GIRL Especially if she smells of latrines. (Jumps up) I know - Air Freshener! MAN No! GIRL (Grabbing her bag) It’s OK, there’s one to mask dog’s pee when you’re walking a puppy. It’s called Fresh Air. MAN What will they think of next? GIRL (Pauses by the door.) D’you need anything? Pomegranate? Anti-oxidant, refines the complexion. No? I’ll get a pineapple - longevity and genius guaranteed. MAN (Calls as she goes) What are you cooking for your brothers tonight? GIRL Leftovers and stewed apple. MAN Here. (He fishes, hands her some money.) GIRL Thanks! MAN They’re growing lads. She laughs, happy with gratitude, and dashes off. He bends to his work. SCENE 2 THE MAN’S GARDEN. A paved area with seating and pots, hedging and trees beyond. It is stylish. The MAN and the GIRL are enjoying the sun. He has taken off his jacket, lies back, eyes closed. She throws crumbs to the birds. MAN (Murmurs) You’ll encourage the pigeons. GIRL Don’t be mean. Share the planet. MAN Who says? GIRL Guru Winston. Writes in the local paper. Got one leg. MAN Oh well! She throws crumbs for the birds, nudges him gently as one approaches...they watch and lift their heads together to see the bird fly off. MAN Robin. Mr Solo...loner - well, except when mating - tough little bird.. I put up a rat once. I was marking papers in a Cambridge conservatory and it ran over my foot. Damnedest thing...it stood there savvying its options, which weren’t great - looked up at me, strolled back over my shoe and buggered off. I should have clobbered it. GIRL But you didn’t? MAN Pure defiance. Always humbling, courage in adversity. GIRL Depends whether you’re standing your ground for a good cause or some mindless lash-out. (She thinks.) It could have been a lady rat with babies to protect. (They settle back to relax in the sun) I wonder if it’s true for non-mammals. MAN What? GIRL Mother-love. Do all species care for their young? MAN Shouldn’t think so - most of them are more like components than the full monty, which doesn’t stop them stinging you. GIRL Dear little aphids don’t bite. MAN No, too busy guzzling - you should see my beans. GIRL They’ve got to eat something. MAN Why me? GIRL Well, they don’t realise. Unlike Uncle Norman, my father’s brother. MAN Ate his beans, did he? GIRL Only conned him out of his share of the family home. Didn’t need it, he was loaded - a few bucks around Dad might not have pushed off.. MAN Yes. (Slight pause.) Families don’t always work. Still the best idea though. GIRL (Laughs) Think so? MAN In the end, yes. Too much freedom leads to bewilderment. You see it in children. Without parameters they don’t know who they are. GIRL (Shakes her head.) Sure they do. OK, human beings get together when things go wrong but otherwise it’s take care of yourself. Who else does? MAN Teachers, doctors, dentists - GIRL (Cutting him off) That’s just maintenance. I’m talking about who’s in charge. MAN And who’s that? GIRL Me! I’m not Snow White, some bird in a trance waiting for Leonardo di Caprio to kiss her awake. Who needs heros poncing all over the manor? The Anti-hero rules OK? MAN (Laughs) If you say so. GIRL I do, Galahad and Batman having warped off to Saturn decades ago along with young Lochinvar, whoever he was. MAN What about the unfortunate? Are you saying kkkkk - (index finger across his throat with a harsh hiss) to what is it you call them - the patsies of this world? GIRL Yes. Serve them right. MAN For what? GIRL For being fantasists. MAN Oh come on! Even Einstein said the most important component of a successful life was luck. Some people thrive, for others it’s heads below the parapet. . GIRL People are one-offs! That means You - you decide. Who else? MAN A question of options. GIRL OK, so sus the scene, figure the odds...toe in the water, take the plunge! MAN And caveat emptor. GIRL What does that mean? MAN It’s Latin for watch it, buster. GIRL Yeah, that and all. He smiles, lies back, relaxing. Starts to tap his fingers on his chest. GIRL What? MAN Oh nothing. Just... Perhaps an atavistic moment of yearning for something else...other...something poetic perhaps. I’m being romantic. What do I know? Totally unreliable. GIRL What? MAN Oh...feeling. GIRL Feelings? MAN Feelings. Why do we still believe...? Why these obstinate attachments to notions of - of - (throws up his hands, looking for the word.) GIRL Of what? MAN Gallantry. The moment. Rising to the occasion. Complete bloody waste of time. GIRL I don’t see why. If somebody does something special - MAN But you can’t rely - you can’t depend on or guarantee the moment - GIRL Why not? MAN It’s not necessarily there, quantifiable, available on demand - GIRL Sure it is in some people. Some people are naturally brave - or naturally timid - probably in their nature, runs in families. MAN No. Take my word for it. Response to crisis - accident - never stable. Human beings have many qualities. Predictable, reliable response to stimuli - (shakes his head) - no. It’s why you have to hard-train soldiers. GIRL To get them to fight. MAN There again you never know, though it’s easier than you might suppose. GIRL Well boys like fighting. Girls like dolls, boys like swords and guns. MAN And looting. And raping. GIRL That is pissy. Most people... MAN Most people are capable of anything - for self-preservation absolutely anything. GIRL So if I fall in and Peter - you haven’t met him - jumps in after me I should tell him to fuck off, quit being a romantic prat, just let me get caught in the weed and drown. MAN Now you’re being silly. GIRL No, I’m not. MAN Yes you are, you want a fight. GIRL And you’re cruising for a bruising. A pause. He stirs at last. GIRL What? He shakes his head, makes to subside, changes his mind. MAN When you’re young you feel immortal and that can be exploited. It doesn’t last, gone by your twenties, sooner in battle - if you do dodge the Reaper it’s no more dreams of victory - it’s how do I survive? If being brave looks like doing you in - The GIRL laughs. GIRL Who wants to be a dead hero! MAN Glad you agree. A pause. He smiles to himself. GIRL What? MAN Oh nothing. GIRL What? MAN We had this little ginger, pink-eyed chap in the pay office - never opened his mouth except to say sorry. (He stops. She waits.) We were crossing this paddy field after a fairly rough morning - no cover, much too quiet - all of a sudden ginger streak takes off, sprints over the ground full-tossing hand grenades to extra cover, square leg like an England team fast bowler. Took out a whole bunker. Amazing. GIRL Was he killed? MAN No, probably because he was five foot nothing - dodgy target. When I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, he apologised, said the flies had been driving him up the wall and would I overlook it? GIRL Wow. Did you give him a medal? MAN Would have if he hadn’t stepped on a mine. Pause. GIRL Were you brave? In Korea? MAN Of course not. Wars of futility promote highly sophisticated modes of self-preservation. GIRL So you didn’t go in for valour? MAN Only occasionally. GIRL (Eager) Where? MAN In the boxing ring usually. GIRL You were a boxer? MAN Amateur. GIRL Pigeon-weight? Fly-weight? MAN Light-middle-weight. GIRL Did you win? MAN Yes...sometimes before the fights began. GIRL You mean because they were fixed? MAN No. You look in their eyes. GIRL Your opponents? And that tells you? (She nods, digesting this.) Did you enjoy it? MAN Boxing? Yes. It made me happy. Didn’t realise it at the time, you don’t. GIRL Happy? To punch people? Why? MAN Dunno. GIRL Insanity - you could have damaged your brain. Probably did. MAN Oh well, worth it for the bliss. GIRL Bliss? MAN Yes...a rare state. You see it in dogs sometimes - babies - young strikers after scoring before they’ve learned to cool it. GIRL Strikers go berserk. MAN That’s triumphalism - not the same as joy. He picks up his jacket from the back of the bench. GIRL (As they exit) Joy? |
